I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
