my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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