How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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