I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
