i don't like sucking hair
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
