Don't make out with my wife yet
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
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