Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
