JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
