The maid of honor just puked.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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