Acid is not a monday night drug
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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