We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
