Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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