She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
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