Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
