oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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