Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
