capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
All the doctor said was why
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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