I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
it's not cheating when I paid for it
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
