(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
