If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
