He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
