Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
