I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed