my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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