i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
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