I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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