I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
