plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
