i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
