She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
