guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
