a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
