This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
This can only be settled by a dance off.
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