Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
