Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
