so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
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i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize