i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
whose ass print is on the piano?
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
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