Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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