It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
