okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
