They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
okay pat passed out under dana's car
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Randomize
