If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
