Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
