addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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