Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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