Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I stole a fireplace last night.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
