So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
