you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
