You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
