maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
