Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
