apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
how does that bad decision feel?
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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