you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
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I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
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Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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