I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
