Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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